you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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