Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
