I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
