He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
