Already got asked if we're dating
I'm drive I can fine osifer
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
