In the future we'll all be gay
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
