is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
