I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize