i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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