Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
