If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
And then he peed in my hair
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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