you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
