I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
