Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
