I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he was CRYING into my vagina
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
