im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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