I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
