EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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