i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
