It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
