Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
