Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
