True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hippo gnu deer
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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