Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
