Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
