There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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