I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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