my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
