Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
