The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
