I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
