dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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