I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
