the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
