Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
