my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
