it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
