If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
