Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
