I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
