There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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