I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
