i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
