Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
