so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
