Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
