Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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