I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
