do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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