i think my mom watched the whole time
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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