HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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