I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
