she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
