I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
