he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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