there's paper in my vomit.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
