i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
