She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
