I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
