Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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