Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
