Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
