if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Randomize
