Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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