Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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