I love black thongs
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
