When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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