Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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