I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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