I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
