Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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