those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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