There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
