How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just invented taco cereal.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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