I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
