Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
