I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
