wrigley field is MILF paradise
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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