so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
