Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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