I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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