Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
