I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
