Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
