so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
