Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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