put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I faked an abortion last night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
