Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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