NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
