Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
