So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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