I'm going to jail i love you
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
